The month of June is pride month, and I typically don’t celebrate much, except wear some of my rainbow attire here and there, but I wanted to give voice to this part of me for a moment.
Acknowledge this part of me.
Express this part of me.
Embrace this part of me.
Love this part of me.
We all have something unique about ourselves.
We all have a story.
Being gay isn’t who I am.
As I believe when I die, this part of me will not matter. Being a woman will not matter. We will let go of all our identity constructs and these earthly things we place so much importance on, simply will not matter.
But, as a human being on earth, a part of ME, the unique ME, is a gay woman.
And this is part of my story.
This part of my story hasn’t been easy.
And because it hasn’t been easy, it’s a gift.
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After a little research, what I found is that Pride became official in 1999.
As Marianne Williamson wrote so eloquently in a recent post, “The word “pride” meant so much to people who had been living their lives under a mantle of societal shame. The celebration was raw and real and authentic and joyful, masses of people literally freed from a closet to which they had been assigned for so long.”
As I reflect on Pride and how my journey has evolved over the last 22 years of my coming out of the closet…
I realize it’s more about me letting go of the judgment I have had of myself, the wrongness that I saw in me than it is about being worried about what the world and others think of me.
You see if we love and accept ALL of who we are, we won’t care what others think of us.
This is my great learning, so this is why I see it as a gift.
This “coming out of the closet” doesn’t just happen once, it continues throughout our lives.
I think it just becomes easier...for many reasons.
The truth for me is that it’s scary sometimes. Especially when that little girl in me feels worried I may not be liked or fit in.
Somedays I’m more confident than others.
Somedays I AM fearless and unapologetically ME.
Somedays it’s hard to be that.
That part of me, the one who sees it as hard, who sees wrongness, is dissolving, I feel it.
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A big piece of my health journey has been mental health and unlearning and dissolving the shame and fear that I’ve bought and sold to myself from our society.
From the known and unknown people and learnings who’ve taught me, there is something wrong with being gay.
I truly believed that I was going to hell when I came out and I managed to wire together a deep belief that something was inherently wrong with me.
Because of this deep subconscious belief, I have spent most of my life unconsciously trying to “fix” myself.
Today, I know consciously that there is nothing wrong with me and that being a gay woman is not a problem, but the unlearning and dissolving of these beliefs is my work.
I know, without a doubt, that I have been given this gift so that I can help heal the deep shame that has been embedded in all of us.
Because if I heal the shame within me that I bought from others and sold to myself, then I can help heal the world’s shame.
It starts within ME first. This is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
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So, to those of you, who have done the hard, painstakingly brutal work, and who have suffered to great lengths, trailblazed a path for me that has allowed my closet door to open with more ease, I love and honor you. Thank you for all you’ve done.
And, not to forget that across this country and the world, there are places where being LGBTQIA+ is forbidden and who are still imprisoned in a closet.
Remember to soften your body and breathe…this is where healing happens.
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If you are on your own health journey and are wanting to find peace in your life, peace with your body, and peace with your mind, I want to help you.
You see when things in your life are not going the way you’d like them, we often turn to food to soothe ourselves, (this is not a problem, by the way)...
We turn against our bodies because we believe they have betrayed us.
If this is you,
AND
You are tired of DIYing this,
AND
You’re tired of trying to “fix” you.
Get in touch with me.
I'm on this journey with you.
XO Deana
A once-trained Division I athlete, and police officer, now turned trained certified nutritionist, health/life coach, and personal trainer. I am a master-in-training for being the space for myself to learn and grow and know the absolute truth of who I am. I am whole, healthy, abundant, love, and free…so are you. I forget this sometimes and that’s perfectly okay. I get to remember and forget and remember…for the rest of my life.
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HEALTHFUL TIP
Soften your body and breathe...ask your heart, "What would it take for me to be completely healthy and at peace?"